Several of my friends are smarter than I am. One in particular thinks at light speed, connecting dots in creative ways that leave everyone else in the dust. He’s the type who can find solutions that no one else sees and is always a step ahead in any conversation.
Another friend has a casual genius about him. He takes apart complex concepts and reassembles them in a laid-back, relatable way. His words are memorable because they’re delivered with a relaxed charm, making even the most complicated topics seem simple.
And another one is beyond efficiency ― she’s like the Goddess of Efficiency, Organization, and Getting Shit Done.
I can’t do what they do, but I admire them. I love these friendships because I hope some of their brilliance will rub off on me, and I enjoy witnessing their qualities and interacting with them (to the extent I can, of course). It’s a reminder of the richness that is out there in the world and what we can aspire to.
It’s not a stretch to assume that the people we surround ourselves with can either raise or lower our standards by influencing who we become or providing us with templates for behaviors we’d like to adopt.
The Power of Influence
Humans are inherently social creatures, and our relationships play a significant role in shaping our beliefs, behaviors, and aspirations. When we spend time with people who have high standards or amazing gifts, we naturally strive to meet or exceed them, or at least fit in. There are a few social forces that are in play here that make it natural:
- Mirroring Behavior: When you’re surrounded by individuals with high standards, you’re likely to mirror their behavior. If your friends are driven and ambitious, you’re more inclined to adopt similar habits and attitudes.
- Shared Values: Social circles often reflect a set of shared values. If your group values growth, resilience, and positivity, these qualities will likely resonate with you. Conversely, if you’re around negative or unproductive influences, it can be easy to adopt those traits.
- Social Proof: We typically look to others to gauge what is acceptable or expected in various situations. If your friends prioritize learning and self-improvement, this behavior becomes the norm, reinforcing these values within the group.
- Emotional Contagion: Emotions can spread through social groups, affecting individuals’ moods and attitudes. When you’re around positive, upbeat people, their energy can boost your own outlook, while negative attitudes can have the opposite effect.
- Accountability: In close-knit social circles, individuals often hold each other accountable. If your friends push you to meet goals and encourage you to stay on track, it creates a supportive environment that fosters growth.
- Social Identity: Our identity is partly shaped by the groups we belong to. By identifying with a circle that has high standards, you’re likely to align your behaviors and values with those of the group.
These mechanisms contribute to the social forces that shape our beliefs, behaviors, and aspirations, reinforcing the idea that the company we keep has a significant impact on our journey. One example is of a time I bluntly and derogatorily reacted to my spousal unit in reaction to something said that I didn’t believe. My friend said, “Ya know, you could soften that disbelief by saying something like, ‘ I’d be interested in knowing how you came about that information.’” It was both hilarious and humbling. I didn’t adopt those exact words, but I got the point and adjusted accordingly.
The Importance of High Standards
High standards aren’t about perfection; they’re about striving for growth and continually pushing yourself to be the best version of who you are. Being in the company of people who set high standards inspires me to do the same. This isn’t about competition; it’s about admiration and a desire to grow.
Consider these scenarios where high standards play a critical role:
- Admiration of Strengths: When you surround yourself with people who excel in areas where you may not, it’s an opportunity to learn from them. Observing a friend’s remarkable problem-solving skills or another’s ability to communicate with ease can be inspiring and provide templates for your own behaviors. These interactions remind us that we don’t need to be perfect, but we can appreciate others’ strengths and aim to develop our own.
- Challenging Yourself: It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone when you’re around people with similar capabilities. However, when you have friends or colleagues who push boundaries and set ambitious goals, it encourages you to challenge yourself. This can be in personal or professional endeavors, where stepping out of your comfort zone leads to growth.
- Building Resilience: High standards often come with challenges. When you see others working through tough situations and maintaining their values, it can inspire you to do the same. This resilience and determination are contagious and can drive you to become more robust and capable.
Maintaining high standards isn’t about necessarily mimicking others ― although that’s not a bad thing ― but drawing inspiration from them. The people around you can remind you of what you can achieve with the right mindset and effort. This can be particularly impactful in times of doubt, when you’re tempted to settle for mediocrity, or when you’re looking for a way through a situation. “What would James think?” “How might Beau say this?” “What would Audrey do?”
Choose Your Circle Wisely
Choosing the right people to be around is an active step towards becoming a better version of yourself. Here are some practical steps:
- Seek out Positive Influences: Find groups or communities where people share your aspirations. Professional networks, hobby clubs, or volunteer organizations can offer a sense of positivity and camaraderie.
- Identify Negative Influences: Recognize relationships that may be holding you back. It can be tough, but distancing yourself from toxic people is sometimes necessary for personal growth.
- Build Meaningful Connections: Invest in deep relationships with people who inspire you. These connections can be a source of strength and motivation.
Ultimately, the people you surround yourself with have a significant impact on your journey. They can raise or lower your standards, reminding you of your essential values, and challenging you to become the best version of yourself.
You are your choices and the values you attach to yourself. By choosing your circle wisely, you’re taking a critical step toward an enriched life.
Talking on the Think 