The company you keep

Several of my friends are smarter than I am. One in particular thinks at light speed, connecting dots in creative ways that leave everyone else in the dust. He’s the type who can find solutions that no one else sees and is always a step ahead in any conversation.

Another friend has a casual genius about him. He takes apart complex concepts and reassembles them in a laid-back, relatable way. His words are memorable because they’re delivered with a relaxed charm, making even the most complicated topics seem simple.

And another one is beyond efficiency ― she’s like the Goddess of Efficiency, Organization, and Getting Shit Done.

I can’t do what they do, but I admire them. I love these friendships because I hope some of their brilliance will rub off on me, and I enjoy witnessing their qualities and interacting with them (to the extent I can, of course). It’s a reminder of the richness that is out there in the world and what we can aspire to.

It’s not a stretch to assume that the people we surround ourselves with can either raise or lower our standards by influencing who we become or providing us with templates for behaviors we’d like to adopt.

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‘Spaces Between’ for Empaths

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My granddaughter is an empath. Now, I’ve met empaths before, and I really loved their “vibe” ― or their ability to surf the energies around them without being overwhelmed by the waves. They varied in maturity, but they were always aware of their energy sensitivities. At the most mature end, they seem to absorb the wave and either convert it to light or merely neutralize its tension.

On the other end, they seem to need to constantly readjust their perspectives ― which we all do, including the mature empaths, but these are more overt, appearing to be in constant search for themselves or validation. Less “solid,” like watching the changing shapes of clouds as the air stream carried them.

But empaths who are just starting out life need a different construct, or model, of the world. Since our brains construct what we consider reality, it makes sense to approach empaths from the ‘world-modeling’ perspective. Philip H. Farber in his book “Brain Magick: Exercises in Meta-Magick and Invocation”, describes world-modeling this way:

In general, most (if not all) of what we take for “the world” is a “user illusion,” a way that our brain interprets the world that allows us to experience clouds of probability (as physicists explain the nature of subatomic particles) as solid matter. We perceive the surface of our skin (however permeable and, ultimately, created of those clouds of probability and space) as the boundary between self and world. And we make numerous similarly illusory representations of everything we’ve ever seen, heard, felt, tasted, or smelled. Consider our experience of the world as a map or model that we create with our thoughts (and some help from the brain’s default network), based on the interpretation of our perception. Whether or not there is an objective reality to bump up against, all we can ever really do is experience our mind’s interpretation of bumping.  And this model-making most certainly includes the delineation we make between ourselves and the rest of the world. What we consider to be internal and external may just be convenient distinctions that help us to maintain a sense of self and to navigate what we perceive of the world.
 
For practical purposes, we usually find that we need to take our internal representation as the world. So, for the time being, we can play within the usual rules and relate to our books or reading devices as solid objects, decide that we are something separate from the air we breathe, and treat as “unreal” only those things we recognize as figments of our imagination. Good with that?

This post is for her and her spirit-filled mom. I hope it is the beginning of world-modeling where they can both enjoy a world of the spaces between.

What is an empath?

An empath is an individual who is highly sensitive to the emotional and energetic states of others. They can intuitively feel and, in some cases, take on the emotions of people around them as if they were their own. This heightened level of empathy goes beyond the typical empathetic response that many people experience; empaths can absorb both positive and negative emotional energies from their environment, which can significantly impact their own emotional well-being.

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What Makes Us, Us?

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Much of identity is a lampshade
Core Identity and Non-negotiable Aspects
Lampshade Resistance
Lampshade Freedom

In a recent New York Times article, “Blaxit: Tired of Racism, Black Americans Try Life in Africa,” one lady, Omosede Eholor, who moved to Africa had an assumption about ‘self’ that caught my attention. Leaving New York for Accra, she initially embraced the vibrant African culture. Yet, over time, daily challenges and cultural differences led her to question:

“How much of yourself are you losing in the process of trying to adapt?”

She sounds to me like a contemporary Westerner that has come to believe certain things about this thing called “self,” with undisclosed and unevaluated assumptions. If she were able to unpack her assumptions, could she adapt and still be happy she is still herself, but with different trappings?

Her quote touches on a contemporary issue: balancing adaptation with perceived self-preservation.  When we are challenged to adjust aspects of ourselves in response to new contexts, different values, and alternative perspectives, how do we distinguish what must stay core versus what can evolve without losing our essence? The “sacrificing what makes me, me” concern.

While the NYT article focused on cultural adaptation, its essence transcends this specific context. Any significant change or challenge, be it a new job, a personal loss, or even exploring other viewpoints, can challenge our sense of self our sincerely held assumptions or values feel threatened and trigger an existential crisis of identity. Like without our current identity as-is, we cease to exist. 

What is it that is scary? You’re not dying, after all. You’re still alive with the ability to enjoy life with all its color and rich tapestry of possibilities.

Much of identity is a lampshade

In a previous post, “Changing Core Wiring,” I delved into the complex interplay between the intrinsic core self (“wiring”) that inherently resists alteration and the neuroplastic potential to modify deep-seated patterns through concerted effort and willpower, underscoring the nuanced reality that, although our brains are capable of remarkable change (neural plasticity and pruning), such transformation requires persistent effort and the application of willpower — a finite resource that varies significantly among individuals in how much of it we have and how quickly we can exhaust it.

This question of adapting our sense of self amidst change intersects with a nuanced modern quandaries — the phenomena of hyper-individualization and hyper-identity ― the hypers. These are the trappings that we fuse onto the core as though they are as immutable as our core.

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Love and Loss as Spaces Between

I’ve always had a fascination with Druidic perspectives, even before I knew what a druid was.  The way they saw their place in the world was how I lived growing up, communing with the trees and nature.  One of their perspectives I learned was something called the ‘spaces between’ — thresholds between worlds, states of consciousness, or phases of life. These are powerful and transformative realms where intuition, insight, spiritual guidance, and healing can most freely flow.

Druidism’s deep connection with nature recognizes ‘the spaces between’ in different ways. In a forest, for instance, it’s not just the trees but the spaces between them that create the ecosystem. This reflects a balance between presence and absence, suggesting that both what exists and the space around it are essential for harmony and growth.

Just as in quantum physics, where the space between particles is fundamental to the nature of reality, in Druidism, these spaces can represent the potential, the unformed, and the yet-to-be. It’s in these gaps, doorways, and crossroads that possibilities exist and where the seeds of new realities can be nurtured.

In daily life, recognizing ‘the spaces between’ can happen when acknowledging the pauses in a conversation, the quiet moments between tasks, or even the transitions between different roles you play in life. These moments, often overlooked, can be rich with potential for reflection, growth, and mindfulness.

‘The spaces between’ invites a contemplation of the unseen, the transitions, thresholds, and the potential that exists in the gaps of our understanding and experience. It encourages a holistic view of life, where the empty spaces are just as meaningful as the filled ones.

Natural transition

My dog, Picasso, just passed away.  I’m left with a soaking wet veil draped over my consciousness that feels like a thin membrane between grief and the continuance of life, whose moisture seeps through to the surface with the sudden impulses of emotion.  It’s a filter through which I’m currently experiencing life. I know it’s part of the space between what was and what will be. It’s both transitional and permanent. Liminal.

I have removed all the physical triggers in the house, which leaves only the “behavioral” triggers: expectations and habits. I find myself thinking about him constantly in the spaces between mentally focusing on any task.  Even while doing a task, I sense this veil of unfulfilled expectations, like a dampener on thought and motivation; on happiness and grief. Like the veil is the doorway into a ‘space between’ that contains pain I want to avoid … or do I?

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