French joke: Swearing à la française

Un homme dispute une partie de golf avec un curé. L’homme met la balle sur son tee, s’élance mais frappe dans la terre.
— Je l’ai raté, bordel de merde!”
Le curé réplique :
— Vous blasphémez mon fils, surveillez ce que vous dites!
— Oh oui, d’accord pardonnez-moi.
— Allez, recommencez votre coup.
Le gars swing à nouveau mais frappe encore dans la terre.
— Encore raté, putain de bordel d’enfoirée de balle de mes deux!
— Mon fils, la patience de Dieu a ses limites… Ne la poussez pas à bout!
— Pardon, je m’emporte.
— Allez, rejouez votre coup.
L’homme frappe encore un autre coup désastreux.
–Jésus Christ! J’ai encore raté cette connerie de saloperie de putain de balle!!!
Le ciel se couvre alors de nuages foncés et le tonnerre se met à gronder.
L’homme demande :
Qu’est–ce qui se passe ?
— J’ai bien peur que vous ayez abusé de la patience de Dieu. Vous avez attiré la foudre divine. Je ne peux plus rien pour vous, sauf prier pour votre âme !
Sur ce, la foudre s’abat et le curé tombe raide mort. L’homme ne comprend plus rien, et entend soudain une voix rauque et grave venant du fond du ciel :
— Saloperie de putain de vent ! Encore raté !

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A funny French joke

C’est un gars très bête et très méchant qui arrive en enfer. A son arrivée, Satan l’accueille et lui dit: “Maintenant tu vas devoir choisir la chambre dans laquelle tu resteras pour l’é…ternité” et Satan lui montre trois portes.

Le type passe la première porte. Il entre dans une vaste pièce dans laquelle les gens sont tous sans exception en équilibre sur leur tête, sur du carrelage. Le gars se dit en voyant ça: “Aie aie aie, ce sol me semble un peu dur pour ma tête. Je vais essayer une autre porte.”

Alors, il essaie la deuxième porte et se retrouve dans une autre vaste pièce, dans laquelle le sol est cette fois du parquet. Là encore, tout le monde est sur la tête, en équilibre. Le gars se dit: “C’est pas encore terrible, si ça tombe, on doit attraper plein d’échardes à la tête.  Essayons la troisième porte.”

Cette fois, la pièce est remplie de personnes assises sur des chaises, tout le monde est dans la merde jusqu’aux genoux, mais les gens sont en train de boire le café et de manger des biscuits. Notre homme se dit: “Hmmm, passer l’éternité sur une chaise, même si on a les genoux dans la merde, c’est toujours mieux que de la passer sur la tête, surtout quand on a à boire et à manger.”

Alors il va voir Satan qui l’attendait et lui fait part de sa décision de choisir la troisième porte. “Très bien” dit Satan “Tu passeras donc l’éternité dans la troisième pièce” et il l’accompagne jusqu’à la porte. Lorsque la porte s’ouvre, il entend une grosse voix à l’intérieur qui hurle: “Allez là dedans, la pause café est terminée…Tout le monde sur la tête!”

English Collective Nouns for Birds

From some very dear friends:

Barb and I visited the Birds Unlimited Store in North Vancouver to buy a new bird feeder yesterday, and we chatted with the staff about how it annoys our little feathered friends when a murder of crows descends on the feeder. Store staff replied that an unkindness of ravens has the same effect on small wild birds. I just had to check to see if ‘unkindness’ was the proper collective noun for ravens, and, sure enough, it turned out that the term is ‘spurious, unverified or misapprehended’.

Standard English Terms and Terms following the Middle English tradition Collective nouns for Birds

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Content v Satisfied v Happy

While I think that most people in casual dialogue would approximate the meanings of all these words such that they mean pretty much the same thing, I think looking into the etymologies of the words is instructive.

Content: from Latin continere,  to contain => contentus, contained — in the context where a person’s desires are bound by what he already has.  There was a point in my life where I was astoundingly content in the sense that I was not frustrated by what I lacked, including having possessions, a place of my own to sleep, oodles of money.  At the same time I also knew that my standards could evolve, but that contentedness could only be maintained by aligning my emotions to things as they happened in the present.

Satisfied: from Latin “make enough”; related to the ‘sat-‘ in saturate and satiate, where ‘sat’ refers to being full or drenched.  I think our formal meaning remains: something is satisfying when it has reached the point of being enough to suit some end.  So the state of being satisfied would be resting no longer concerned in the fact that some personal criteria, concern, etc. has been met.

Happy is more related to an delighted emotion or positive reaction.  Dictionary definitions use words like “delighted, pleased, jubilant, elated, joyous.”  My dog is a very happy dog, wagging his tail nearly always.  He appears to be enjoying (another associated term) his circumstances.  He could also be happy by nature, where he simply enjoys life or his interactions in general.

Satisfaction of course can have an according emotion, but strictly speaking, no emotion is necessary to complete satisfaction.  It could be merely intellectual assent; and you can be pleased with the resulting state or outcome.  Contented to me would be the lack of stressing or negative emotion, complementary to ‘satisfy’ in the context that what I have currently is enough (‘sat’).

As another person put it (on Philosophers’ Playground): “I’m satisfied that I’m happy just to be content.”

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The English Verb System Index Linguistics Girl

This English verb guide summarizes and provides links to the information available about English verbs written by Heather Marie Kosur.

via The English Verb System Index Linguistics Girl.

Spanish Dirty Words

Recently I did a one-day project looking for a the Spanish equivalent for a list of dirty words (“jerga“) in English.  The “equivalence” wasn’t to be merely transliteration (a one-to-one, direct correspondence — like mierda for shit), but also a translation or interpretation where the context of word use is similar in both sets of language speakers although the literal or even figurative meanings may be completely different (like pinche for fuck, although pinche does not demonstrate the same level of vulgarity or have anything to do with copulation, real or simulated).

So, here it is. The list is far from complete owing to the huge variety of Spanish-speaking dialects & cultures.  I will be very happy to update the list with any feedback or contributions y’all might have — leave a comment!

SEARCH RECOMMENDATION: I have noticed that people are putting in the Search box several words at a time, such as “dirty talk espanol pechos tetas.”  Putting in more than one word may result in No Results Found because the search engine is looking for all the words at one time.  In the example, if you left out “dirty talk espanol” and just searched for “pechos tetas,” the search engine will take you to the this (Spanish Dirty Words) page.

The second part to this recommendation is that, when you are on this page, use your browser’s Find feature to find terms on this page.  For instance, in ALL modern browsers, pressing the keyboard keys Ctrl + f will activate your browser’s Find feature.  Use that feature to find words on this page, one word at a time (not a phrase).

NOTE: I check the terms & phrases people are searching for. I’ll put the answers to some of them at the very end of the list and in the Comments area.  Some things like “hell” (infierno) or “hairy, bushy” (peludo) aren’t dirty words, really.  But I’ll put them there anyway.

Another NOTE: some terms we use in English are of French origin and have accents on certain letters. If you don’t find something like «ménage à trois», try for a word with no accent (like ‘trois’) or an equivalent expression, like “threesome.”

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“Spin” Writing

When they handed me my science degree in Psycho-Linguistics, a flash of panic surged through me where I wondered, “What the hell am I going to do with this?!”  I got this degree as an organic consequence of just taking the subjects that interested me. I lucked out that they summed up nicely into a coherent discipline.  I guess I had the undisclosed intention of being a professional student … until the reality of surviving hit.

I’d not done a stitch of thinking about things outside of University life. So, panic-driven, I leaped onto the closest train approximating a solution that accorded with the lifestyle I was currently living: more academia, but this time toward something.  Before doing any research on what Psycho-Linguists (P-Ls) do, I dived into getting an arts degree in Education, thinking that at least I could teach some of the subjects that I was especially good at. Continue reading