Must a Right be used to be appreciated?

Have encountered some odd criticism of late: we must not have really wanted the right to get married or it doesn’t really mean all that much to us since we’ve postponed it for whatever reasons.

Here is my reply:
1) I also wanted the right to smoke mota, but because I now have that right doesn’t mean I’m hitting the first joint I can.

2) The right is a civil-rights issue, an evolution of society and a clarification of what it means to be upstanding, tax-paying citizens not beholden to others’ religious scruples or disapprobation of us as humans “created equal.”

3) But getting married is more than an issue of rights — it’s an matter of celebration and wanting to “do it right.” We *will* get married, but we’d like to pair that with other events (like a party and honey-moon), which make us feel like having the right is more than just legal recognition. It is as spiritual & emotional to us as it is to those who deny our spirituality and basic human characteristics of emotion related to love and loving.

4) After nearly 27 years, getting married for us would be like a renewal of our relationship, altering it significantly in the eyes of the law, but giving us the opportunity to retro-step, like going back and experiencing the prom you had missed in high school.

With the right to marry, why should we feel any more pressure or obligation to avail ourselves and enjoy the right than heterosexuals do? Why must we run out and make a political show of gratitude to society for recognizing us as humans and tax-paying citizens?
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Genetics of Love and Liking

Love it is like soup: there is a general consistency that one recognizes as soup, but you can put just about anything into it and still call it soup. I could even mash together another horribly mixed metaphor (another soup) and say that the soup has DNA. It’s taken me MONTHS to write and edit this. I found it hard to keep from drifting down different eddies of interest, over-extending metaphors, and burdening the flow of thought with too many examples and anecdotes.

After writing the post on Subsistence Romance, the number of opportunities I’ve had to talk about recognizing romance in the mundane has been nearly as frequent as the political discussions I attract, but with so much more inquisitiveness and genuine interest Continue reading

Subsistence Romance

I used to think that romance was contrived: one had to generate it because it really was only a fleeting state of mind born of desires to rise above the mundane and exist in a world where love conquers all. But after over 20 25 30 years with the same guy, I’m wondering: are we doing something existential ourselves, or is romance real?

A while back, a friend of mine used the word “mundane”, as in “Our lives have become so mundane.” I wasn’t sure how to understand that — it required some processing. Since I’m a literal person, my understanding starts with (if I know a word) the dictionary definition. In this case, “mundane” means something like: everyday, common, found in the ordinary course of events or concerns.

But the context of using the word the way she did provided the interpretive key: “Mundane” was meant to contrast with a relationship that had been once perceived as more alive, romantic, and extra-ordinary [hyphen purposeful] only a few months ago when there was more free time and the exigencies of surviving to live another day were obscured by frivolity. It was uttered pejoratively, saturated in remorse and melancholy. The relationship had changed — now the practicalities of everyday life were being noticed as though they hadn’t existed before.

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